Runester

I saw this on Firebrand and was blown away. I know it’s just a commercial, but it touches something fundamental.

Posted by mobile phone:
Happy New Years, everyone!

I just got home and received the message from the vet. When they opened her up, the cancer had eaten away at her shoulder muscle and the tumors ‘were everywhere.’ So, the vet put her to sleep on the operating table.

I’ve known this could happen from the first time I took her in and learned what kind of cancer she had. Then, when it came back … I knew this day was inevitable. Each time I hoped, maybe this time they’ll get it all and she’ll be ok.

The decision today was to, hopefully give her some more time … more weeks … more months. I still held out a little hope …

Anyway, enough about her death. Here’s something about her life.

When I first moved out of my parents house and moved into an apartment, I found the quiet disconcerting and the loneliness depressing. My whole life had been in a house with people and animals, noise and activity. So, I decided to adopt a cat and make my apartment a little more like ‘home’.

When I first went to the Humane Society, I fell in love with three little gray kittens … but there was a problem with my landlord and that day was a disappointment. By the time I resolved that and returned, the three kittens had been placed. I had to choose another … and by far, the gentlest, most affectionate was a mature female named “mama” with a luxurious white coat.
I adopted her and renamed her “Snow” but had to wait for her to get her vaccines and be spayed. When I brought her home she was sick from the anesthesia and spent days laying on my pillow recovering.

Ever since then, and right through to this morning when she crawled up into bed with me to welcome the new day and get a little attention - she has been a great companion, a great comfort, a lot of fun, and a joy in my life.

Snow, I will miss you. I hope you had a good life for a cat, and I pray I was worthy of your unconditional love and affection.

Good bye.

This morning I took snow to the vet. She hadn’t been in for about four weeks now. Her tumors have grown back, bigger then before, and in a new location, on her left side. Also, caused by the rampant tumor growth, fluid is filling the tissue just below her skin along her forward spine. It looks like a growth, but feeling it, demonstrates that it’s filled with fluid.

I’ve been watching her behavior as best I can. She does not seem to be in any serious discomfort, but I may not be able to tell. She still eats and drinks and uses her litter box. She still climbs the stairs at night to visit me in bed before I go to sleep - so I don’t think the tumors have damaged her internal organs.

The Vet looked her over and pretty much gave me three options. I could have her put to sleep today. Or, I could taker her home without further surgery … but he predicts that within a month her tumors will erupt through her skin and cause a septic mess. Or, I can admit her for yet another surgery. He strongly advised … if I didn’t want to put her down then I should agree to the surgery, letting her die at home with an erupting tumor and an infection would be miserable.

So, I admitted her for her fourth (4th) surgery. This time, he is going to remove the skin above the tumors as well as, as much tissue around them as possible. He also had me sign a waiver that allows them to put her to sleep should the tumors be inoperable (fixed to her bones) or if there is not enough skin to seal over the incision, or if the spread is found to be more malign and having infiltrated her abdomen.

I’ll get the update tomorrow.

This whole matter is upsetting. She’s been a good pet, a good companion, for me for years now. I understand that everything living must die … but having to make these kinds of decisions are excrutiating. Who am I to rob her of her last month of life … each day is precious  and what is a month to a cat? A year of experience, maybe? But, how can I let her suffer in her disease? And, there are practical considerations as well; each surgery costs me over $300, I’ve already spent over $1,000 and this one will cost me more still. I do not have endless financial resources, and the return is poor as each time the tumors come back as bad or worse then before.

The best I can hope for is that maybe, just maybe, he’ll be able to get all of the cancerous tissue this time and she can live the rest of her life in relative health for whatever time she has left. Or, that she is quietly put to sleep during the surgery and never has to wake up to another day in a body that has betrayed her.

Well, today was one humdinger of a day. First, I had to get up and ready for my weekend with Lisa. Then I had to go to work, install an Uninterruptable Power Supply (UPS) and reboot some servers, and test that everything was working. Then I had to find a jewelry store nearby - and I did, The Jewelry Exchange. Then I had to call my bank to get them to increase my credit limit. Then I went to the jewelry store and bought an engagement ring. Then I drove to Lisa’s where we had a late breakfast, and then went to Home Depot to buy 960 lbs of quickrete and eight (8) fence posts. We got everything back to her house just in time for me to drop off the materials, wash my hands, and then drive all the way back to the jewelry store.

The ring was ready and perfect! I picked it up, stopping to refuel my truck which I’d been driving back and forth across the state all day. Then I got back to Lisa’s. Since today was her birthday, she knew my sudden departure had to do with her birthday gift … and she may have suspected something, but she wasn’t sure. In her own words, “It was either a ring or a laptop!” I had already gotten us reservations for a very nice Italian restaurant in Dedham, MA named Isabella’s. So, I had to shower, shave, and dress - swapping my tee-shirt and quickrete covered jeans for a French Blue dress shirt and slacks. While getting dressed I slipped the ring into my pocket.

We arrive at the restaurant right at 6:00 PM, and it’s lovely. We get a quiet table over to the side and order appetizers. I keep wondering when I should propose … of all the research I did on this subject, this particular item seems to have been left out. I figured it would be good to bring the subject up … so I kept trying to have a serious conversation about marriage, marriages we knew about, and commitment. She kept interrupting with stories of how this restaurant used to be a little breakfast nook named “Mug and Muffin.” I must have looked a little yellow or something, she kept asking, “Are you all right? Is something the matter? You have an odd look on your face.”
Finally, sometime after the appetizer and before the main course came out, I said, “This is something I should have done five years ago … Will you marry me?” Lisa got all choked up and teary eyed but didn’t answer, so I pressed further, “Will you be my wife?” At which she croaked out a very quiet and emotional “yes.”

Then I added, “Well, here’s your consolation prize …” and reached into my pocket and pulled out the ring. It was still in it’s small black box. She took it and opened the box up and her eyes lit up.

“Oh, it’s just lovely!” she remarked.

And with that, I have become an engaged man. We finished our dinner, many women who were seated around us congratulated her and asked to see her ring. She was floating on cloud nine … I was mostly relieved that I had been able to get through the day and accomplish the most important part with at least a measure of acumen.

As soon as we got back to her place, she showed her mother the ring who was practically giddy with gladness. Marilyn embrassed me and declared, “My son!”

All in all, it’s been one hell of a day … with a wonderful, wonderful ending. And, a good beginning!

Well, for those that have been following the story, my senior female cate, Snow, has had her third surgery to remove malignant tumors. She is now home and healing up … again. She is very good about the whole process and even the vet’s noted how hardy she is for a cat her age that has already been through this much. Here’s to hoping she’ll be around for years to come.

Here’s some photo’s of her, she has two (2) new scars. These are horizontal instead of vertical like the last two surgeries and are on each side. The incision on her left side is about four inches, and the one on her right side is about two inches.

The cancerous lumps that I’ve reported in the past are back, and worse then ever. This cancer is unbelievably aggressive; there is measurable growth within a single week. Anyway, I dropped her off this morning and she is scheduled to have her third such surgery.

I had to ask the vet, whether it was worth it or not … and he had an interesting answer. As long as her energy levels are good and she isn’t in great discomfort then it is worth continuing because each time increases her lifespan by at least months and may even be ‘the time’ that enough tissue is removed to ensure no new tumors.

But, to be honest, I think this is it. It’s taking her longer and longer to heal after each surgery and the serguries and the aftermath cause a great deal of discomfort … more the tumors are currently causing. She’s already rail thin and over 13 years old … this is probably going to be the last one. Whether the tumors come back or not, this is the last time I’m putting her through this ordeal.

Posted by mobile phone:
Last night we had a hell of a time find a place to eat. All the good ones had 45 minute to 2 hour waits. We even tried a couple of not-so-good ones, & the service was so lousy we didn’t even get sat (I’m looking at you ‘Benjamins’)! We ended up at Quohogs, & had a lovely dinner, though.

Then we went back to Pelhams for music & drinks … accidentally walked right past a whole line waiting to get in & met our bartender at the door. He immediately let us in & comp’ed us the cover charge! Holey Crap, it was like being a regular at a casino. I guess we spent enough money last night to make an impression.

For the record, the perk felt good!

We got up too late for breakfast, again. Oh, well. Now we’re off to lunch on the wharf & then back to the Astor’s Beechwood mansion for the tour.

After last night’s difficulty getting into a restaurant (some had up to 2 hr waits!), I called ahead & made a reservation. So, at 6:30 pm we take a leasurely sail around the bay, just as the sun is setting, & then we go to a very nice, cozy restaurant named Zelda’s Cafe for dinner.

I think we’ve had enough of the bands & booze for this weekend. We’ll stay in & try something quieter.

Posted by mobile phone:
We arrived too late, the Astor’s Beechwood was closed for the day. We’ll have try again tomorrow. Now we’re going for an ocean side drive.

Posted by mobile phone:
On our way to the Astor’s Beechwood mansion where actors in period dress give the tour.