I am interested in this phenomina, in which friends get together once every few years and catch up, then make promises to see each other more often – and then never do. The usual excuse is ‘too busy’, but are they really so busy that one or two hours a month is too much? I know everyone claims to be too busy, but their never too busy for TV or any of the other bad habits Americans pick up. In survey after survey the average american is found to spend 4.5 hours A DAY watching TV. So, is two hours a month for a friend really too much?
If it’s bad among old friends, then what about families. This is not some theoretical problem – I’m watching it happen right now. Members of my gf’s family that were once friendly and communicated weekly and visited monthly are now completely absent. No big fight, no blow-out or legal battle over inheritance or any of the usual causes you’d think of. Just a sort of withering away of the relationship. And, while everyone involved is doing fairly well and getting on with their lives … do they really have ‘too much family’ to carve out some time for?
There’s this moral questions that is often asked of men. When you’re on your death bed, will you be bemoaning the fact that you could have put in a lot more overtime or will you regret all of the time with your family, especially children, that you sacrificed for work? As much as men need to work and take pride in their career – no one ever regrets not giving even more to the company; but they often regret all those moments in their families / childrens lives when they couldn’t be there.
So, here’s my variation: When you’re life is down, you’re reviewing it and measuring it on the scales, will you truly be glad that you neglected friends and family because a phone call after work was too big a hassle or stopping by to visit on holidays was inconvenient? Will you be glad that you cut these people out of your life, from an over-abundance of friends?
I learned something very important by listening to Andy Andrews. He said, and rightly so, that all of our opportunities, and encouragement, and information, and support comes from people around us. When we cut off those people, when we shrink our circle of friends, when we reduce our family through neglect; we’re also cutting off opportunities, information, encouragement, and support. We suffer, as well as those that we would do without.
Just as a practical matter, when these people (and you know who you are!) need a favor, a job lead, someone to house sit for them, some technical problem solved, some information about a subject their not familiar with, or support when tragedy strikes … who will they call on? Will they really pick up the phone and call the same family members that they have completely abandoned? Will they really call for the first time in nearly year, just to ask a favor? Will they really have the cojones to ask for support from someone they couldn’t even be bothered to contact on the two or three big holiday’s that come up each year?
This situation falls within, what I like to call, Instant Karma. It doesn’t need multiple lifetimes and reincarnation for the effects to be visited back on the cause – in this case, everyone gets exactly what they deserve right now; no waiting. For everyone else out there reading this, pick up the phone and call that friend you’ve been meaning to call for months; contact that mother or father or grandmother or uncle or distant cousin or SISTER that you used to be close too and haven’t spoken with in nearly a year. All relationships need a certain amount of constant tending, but they bear rich fruits for those that take the time and effort.
