Runester

I just got home and received the message from the vet. When they opened her up, the cancer had eaten away at her shoulder muscle and the tumors ‘were everywhere.’ So, the vet put her to sleep on the operating table.

I’ve known this could happen from the first time I took her in and learned what kind of cancer she had. Then, when it came back … I knew this day was inevitable. Each time I hoped, maybe this time they’ll get it all and she’ll be ok.

The decision today was to, hopefully give her some more time … more weeks … more months. I still held out a little hope …

Anyway, enough about her death. Here’s something about her life.

When I first moved out of my parents house and moved into an apartment, I found the quiet disconcerting and the loneliness depressing. My whole life had been in a house with people and animals, noise and activity. So, I decided to adopt a cat and make my apartment a little more like ‘home’.

When I first went to the Humane Society, I fell in love with three little gray kittens … but there was a problem with my landlord and that day was a disappointment. By the time I resolved that and returned, the three kittens had been placed. I had to choose another … and by far, the gentlest, most affectionate was a mature female named “mama” with a luxurious white coat.
I adopted her and renamed her “Snow” but had to wait for her to get her vaccines and be spayed. When I brought her home she was sick from the anesthesia and spent days laying on my pillow recovering.

Ever since then, and right through to this morning when she crawled up into bed with me to welcome the new day and get a little attention - she has been a great companion, a great comfort, a lot of fun, and a joy in my life.

Snow, I will miss you. I hope you had a good life for a cat, and I pray I was worthy of your unconditional love and affection.

Good bye.

This morning I took snow to the vet. She hadn’t been in for about four weeks now. Her tumors have grown back, bigger then before, and in a new location, on her left side. Also, caused by the rampant tumor growth, fluid is filling the tissue just below her skin along her forward spine. It looks like a growth, but feeling it, demonstrates that it’s filled with fluid.

I’ve been watching her behavior as best I can. She does not seem to be in any serious discomfort, but I may not be able to tell. She still eats and drinks and uses her litter box. She still climbs the stairs at night to visit me in bed before I go to sleep - so I don’t think the tumors have damaged her internal organs.

The Vet looked her over and pretty much gave me three options. I could have her put to sleep today. Or, I could taker her home without further surgery … but he predicts that within a month her tumors will erupt through her skin and cause a septic mess. Or, I can admit her for yet another surgery. He strongly advised … if I didn’t want to put her down then I should agree to the surgery, letting her die at home with an erupting tumor and an infection would be miserable.

So, I admitted her for her fourth (4th) surgery. This time, he is going to remove the skin above the tumors as well as, as much tissue around them as possible. He also had me sign a waiver that allows them to put her to sleep should the tumors be inoperable (fixed to her bones) or if there is not enough skin to seal over the incision, or if the spread is found to be more malign and having infiltrated her abdomen.

I’ll get the update tomorrow.

This whole matter is upsetting. She’s been a good pet, a good companion, for me for years now. I understand that everything living must die … but having to make these kinds of decisions are excrutiating. Who am I to rob her of her last month of life … each day is precious  and what is a month to a cat? A year of experience, maybe? But, how can I let her suffer in her disease? And, there are practical considerations as well; each surgery costs me over $300, I’ve already spent over $1,000 and this one will cost me more still. I do not have endless financial resources, and the return is poor as each time the tumors come back as bad or worse then before.

The best I can hope for is that maybe, just maybe, he’ll be able to get all of the cancerous tissue this time and she can live the rest of her life in relative health for whatever time she has left. Or, that she is quietly put to sleep during the surgery and never has to wake up to another day in a body that has betrayed her.

Well, for those that have been following the story, my senior female cate, Snow, has had her third surgery to remove malignant tumors. She is now home and healing up … again. She is very good about the whole process and even the vet’s noted how hardy she is for a cat her age that has already been through this much. Here’s to hoping she’ll be around for years to come.

Here’s some photo’s of her, she has two (2) new scars. These are horizontal instead of vertical like the last two surgeries and are on each side. The incision on her left side is about four inches, and the one on her right side is about two inches.

The cancerous lumps that I’ve reported in the past are back, and worse then ever. This cancer is unbelievably aggressive; there is measurable growth within a single week. Anyway, I dropped her off this morning and she is scheduled to have her third such surgery.

I had to ask the vet, whether it was worth it or not … and he had an interesting answer. As long as her energy levels are good and she isn’t in great discomfort then it is worth continuing because each time increases her lifespan by at least months and may even be ‘the time’ that enough tissue is removed to ensure no new tumors.

But, to be honest, I think this is it. It’s taking her longer and longer to heal after each surgery and the serguries and the aftermath cause a great deal of discomfort … more the tumors are currently causing. She’s already rail thin and over 13 years old … this is probably going to be the last one. Whether the tumors come back or not, this is the last time I’m putting her through this ordeal.

I haven’t written in a long time, and I have lot’s of news. Some of it, not so good.

First …

My gf’s uncle, Frank, went into the hospital for an Angioplasty. Instead, they found much more blockage then they expected and performed a quadruple bypass with heart valve replacement. He’s been in Intensive Care ever since. We went to see him on Sunday, and he looks very frail and week. After the bypass he had a stroke which affected the left side of his body. They can’t tell how much was affected by the stroke because he still has a breathing tube in his mouth and can’t talk. When they finally take the tube out (hopefully tomorrow, or sooner!) he will be much more comfortable and then they’ll perform some tests to see if his swallowing &/or speach were affected by the stroke.

Prayers on behalf of Frank are certainly welcome!

Second …

A few weeks ago I found some more lumps on Snow, my senior, female, all white, cat. I took her to the vet last Monday where the Vet confirmed that they were tumors and recommended surgery. She had the surgery on Friday and I got to bring her home Monday evening.

For what it’s worth, she seems to be doing very well. She is active and acting very normal … albeit with an E-Collar on her head (to prevent her from licking out the staples over her new scar). This time the vet cut significantly more and the scar wraps about 60% around her body! I have to keep it clean, apply an antibiotic ointment, and give her two doses of antibiotics, daily. For everything she’s been through, she seems to be doing pretty well.

Here are a few photographs.

Snow Update

All of her staples (all 25 of them) were removed last Monday. Her scar has healed up nicely, and she seems to be doing fine. I did feel a lump near the top of her scar and took her back to the vet, but he suspects it’s just scar tissue from the surgery.

I also asked what would happen if the cancer does come back and spread, and his sobering answer was: it would invade her lungs and make her breathing very labored.

Anyway, I’ve got an appointment for two weeks and will be taking her back every two weeks to make sure she is thoroughly checked out.

RPG Update

My Wednesday night game of The Puddle (using a customized Everway setting) is going swimmingly. I’m being mentored by a friend and very experienced GM in Michigan. Meanwhile, the players seem as motivated to play and as involved in the world as I could ever have hoped for. I certainly have made mistakes, and trying to introduce a new character (a replacement for a player who’s first character died) - I handled the situation ham-fisted. I hope to do a little repair tonight.

On the other hand, the players have begun to question their character’s motivation for the direction I’m leaning the story. So, under some mentorship, I’ve come up with an excellent way to reinvigorate them and show them that handling the plot as presented is fully inline with their character’s motivations as well as their own self-interest.

First: Snow is doing fine, she’s showed a great deal of energy recently and her newly trimmed and stapled scar is healing very nicely. She’s due back at the vet’s next Friday night … maybe they’ll even remove the staples then - who knows.

I’ve been wondering lately if I shouldn’t change my blog software from Blogger.com to WordPress. I’d hav to host it myself, no big deal, and then import all of my current content (now possible with an ATOM module for Perl I’ve experimented with). The main selling point is all the extra features that WordPress offeres including TackBack and BlogRolls. Blogger.com only allows you to integrate these features as 3rd-party websites and you have to manually edit your template.

I’ll have to do some local testing / staging first. I’m not messing everything up just on a whim … my last template change has already dropped the links to all of my static content and I want all of that stuff back, too!

So, after taking her in Monday evening to have some of the stitches / staples removed - I had to take her right back Tuesday morning because the surgical seem opened in two small (0.5 cm) gaps. There was no blood or puss or anything, but I was concerned. She had to stay overnight, twice. But, this morning I was able to bring her home!

They didn’t just add a couple of stitches, which is what I thought. They actually opened the whole seem, trimmed the dead skin from the edges, and then rejoined it with a whole row of surgical staples. It looks much neater and the row of staples takes almost all of the stress of moving and pulling off of the seem. I also recieved another bottle of antibiotic droplets for her and have to keep cleaning the seem with hydrogen pyroxide and applying the ‘AniMax’ antibacterial ointment. Hopefully she’ll heal up real nicely and we’ll be able to get those staples out and return things back to normal.

Snow has been in the vet’s care for one and one-half days. They needed to wash our her scar and today they were going to add two stitches for two small areas that had opened Monday night. She is in good hands and should be able to come home tomorrow morning.

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On a totally different topic, here is my addition to pop-culture. It’s rude but witty, and totally ripped off of someone else, I’m sure.

Well, last night I noticed that where two of the stitches had been removed, the scar opened leaving a 0.5 cm gap. So, I waited until this morning and called the vet back and requested that they re-stitch those spots. The vet does not normally see appointments today, so someone had to paged … anyway, I dropped Snow off this morning and she’ll get stitched. Hopefully I’ll be able to pick her up tonight.

In other, worrisome news, the chance of survival for a cat after being diagnosed with Fibrosarcoma is not so good - especially if it recurs. When I asked the receptionist about what she’s seen, she reports that the two cats who were diagnosed (via excision and biopsy) died within weeks. On the other hand, they were diagnosed with “severe malignancy” and Snow was only diagnosed with “moderate malignancy” - so perhaps there is more hope.

In any case, I’m praying for her. She is a good companion and deserves as much life as she can get.